Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
