Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
