I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
