no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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