we have pet lesbian snakes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
