Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
