I wish I could teleport
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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