I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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