It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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