Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
