We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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