I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
