my phone needs a breathalizer
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
