lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
