no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
