Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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