you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
