the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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