there's paper in my vomit.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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