So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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