the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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