i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
