oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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