He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
