can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
