Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
