yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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