Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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