It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize