I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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