Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
