Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
