That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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