now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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