I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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