I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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