Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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