I think im going to throw up on grandma
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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