I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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