he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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