Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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