if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
