i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
