i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
