I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
how drunk are you?
Several
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
