Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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