I hate all girls vehemently.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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