Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
