i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
