I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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