he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
