shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
