Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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