I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
