I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
