We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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