I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
