My boss' voice literally gives me gas
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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