Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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