There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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