I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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