There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
