nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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