hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
