drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
