I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
