the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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